Parenting, done single, the millennial way.

So many things come to mind when planning on having children. Sometimes its even a blessed surprise. But how the heck do you manage a family? How do you manage a family as a single father?

Everybody has some advice, everyone has something to say about being a good parent. Specially the non parents. They have everything to say yet they know nothing.

As a father it is extremely difficult to raise a son on your own. You see your own behavior in them, the good and the bad. Nevertheless, the love continues to grow every single day, every single stage. As time passes, certain realizations come by. For example, why do women say their son or daughter is twenty some or thirty something months old, and this is usually because of developmental milestones such as crawling, the first steps, first words, etc. Still find it useless, but its been understood.

Now, raising a child is hard. Managing your household, regular work hours, a pandemic, and sometimes even a pet. Some nights you cry yourself to sleep thinking of how bad you think you are as a father. Yet you keep trying, you keep learning new things, like new meals to cook, make up songs to attract their attention, dances, jumping, running, everything that requires all of your energy. There is no instruction book, no manual, what works on other kids will most definitely not work on your kid.

The best part though, the very best, it is a chaotically beautiful life.

Lets begin with what everyone thinks "I will not be like my mother/father", until you hear yourself screaming out their exact phrases. Its not that you will become them. You are them. Now let me explain why it is so difficult being a parent at very early stages. When your baby can't speak, there is no way to know what exactly is going on when they are crying. Of course some cries are from hunger, others from sleepiness, you will learn to differentiate them with time. But when they cry and you cannot figure out the reason why nor communicate, desperation and hopelessness kicks in. You want to understand, connect, but its not happening. It will tear all your emotions apart when your little one cries.

Lets bring that crying to the toddler stage. 3 years old. Fake crying and real crying. When its real they will tell you what is going on. When its fake, just ignore, ignore, and ignore. Your patience will be tested. Multiple times in multiple ways. You will be challenged with them looking straight into your eyes and pretending to cry.

But let me now get to the most difficult part. When they prefer the other parent over you. You can see the hatred in their eyes when they see you, and you know it will eventually pass, with the full on tantrum, kicking, screeching, wailing and shouting. Even if it is just for ten minutes and you know you will get all the regular hugs and kisses you usually get. But those ten minutes can tear my soul apart. How do single parents manage get to manage these emotions?